1) Sometimes we aren't able to solve a problem (at least not at the present time);
2) Sometimes the emotions triggered by the problem are too overwhelming to change (to feel better about it), or attempting to change them goes against our personal values;
3) If we are unable to either solve the problem or feel better about it there are only two options remaining to deal with it. We can learn the skills we need to tolerate the problem (without making matters worse) or;
4) If we utilize none of the first three options to cope with a problem, there is no other choice but to just stay MISERABLE.
2) Sometimes the emotions triggered by the problem are too overwhelming to change (to feel better about it), or attempting to change them goes against our personal values;
3) If we are unable to either solve the problem or feel better about it there are only two options remaining to deal with it. We can learn the skills we need to tolerate the problem (without making matters worse) or;
4) If we utilize none of the first three options to cope with a problem, there is no other choice but to just stay MISERABLE.
A person’s automatic reaction to distress is to do something to alleviate the suffering. This urge to respond with an impulsive behavior may even be extremely strong for a person who experiences uncomfortable emotions as unbearable - with an overwhelming compulsion to make them go away.
Even though some of our impulses have seemed to “work” in the short-term - by giving us temporary reduction of our distress - in the long-run they can actually make it worse. Responding to these impulsive urges is a very unhealthy way to deal with strong emotions. If a person’s natural urge is to do whatever it takes to make - or reduce - their current distress, even if only as a short-term solution - and responding to impulsive urges of this type is an unhealthy way to deal with distress; how do we get past that urge? How do we decide to respond to it in the most effective, helpful manner? |
The dialectics of DBT teaches that nothing is totally black and white. There can be good and bad in either of your choices; to tolerate distress or not to tolerate distress. With this Pro/Con exercise, we want to evaluate them fully from every perspective. Because there are both pros in not tolerating distress and pros in tolerating distress, we could choose to focus on the pros of not tolerating when they stand alone (with only the pros of tolerating to weigh in against).
When we lay our pro/con list out with both the PROS/CONS of Tolerating Distress AND the PROS/CONS of Not Tolerating Distress, we get a much better idea of which decision is wisest for us. This exercise - laid out in a FOUR SQUARE - rather than the typical Two Square PROS/CONS, gives us a much clearer picture of how either decision will impact us. |
It is important to remember that we are creatures of free will, and at times - even knowing the consequences of an action – this will not detour us from still taking an unwise action.
Evaluating the Pros/Cons for Short-term Consequences and Long-term Consequences should help convince the willfulness in us. The only way we can choose to Not Tolerate Distress, is by choosing to do something that might make us feel better - for the moment (short-term) - but could create a lot more problems for us in the long run (long-term). |
Complete Homework Questions: Pro / Con
SEEKING PERSONAL SUPPORT?
|