“Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life”
by Scott E. Spradlin, MA, Pages 116-125
Skill: Increasing Positive Emotional Events
This week we will work on increasing the number of events that prompt positive emotions, such as love, joy, pride, self-confidence and calm. The basis of DBT is that most people, including borderline individuals, feel badly for good reasons. Although people's perceptions tend to become distorted when they are highly emotional, that does not mean that the emotions themselves are the results of distorted perceptions. This is pretty much the opposite of what is assumed by many therapists. Reconciliation between the two points of view is possible however. Once a person gets emotional, she distorts; thus vigilance for distorting is useful, and reappraisal can be helpful. However, focusing on cognitive distortions as the source of difficulty simply further invalidates the behavior, emotions, and thinking processes of the borderline individual. Instead, the goal is to validate the individual's response. Thus, an important way to control emotions is to control the events that set off emotions.
Increasing the number of pleasurable events in one's life is one approach to increasing positive emotions. In the short term, this involves increasing daily positive experiences. In the long term, it means making life changes so that pleasant events will occur more often.
In addition to increasing positive events, it is also useful to work on: being mindful of pleasurable experiences when they occur, as well as unmindful of worries that the positive experience will end.
No one is very happy if she doesn't have many positive events in ones life. This is the point of DBT. It is hard to be happy with out a life worth living. Building a life worth living – one that is satisfying and one that brings happiness- is like saving pennies in a piggy bank. A person has to accumulate positives.
ATTEND TO RELATIONSHIPS
Most people need good relationships to be happy. Many are not very happy unless they are in one or more close relationships. The secret here is not to put all your eggs in one basket. Don't let your entire happiness depend on one person or one group (e.g. a romantic relationship, your family).
AVOID AVOIDING. Avoid giving up.
No one can build up a positive life if she avoids problem solving, doing things that are necessary, or perseverance.
Mindfulness of positive experience. Be mindful of positive events that occur. Do the following:
1. Focus your attention on the positive events that happen.
2. Refocus on positive parts of events when your mind wanders to the negative.
3. Go back to 1.
Unmindfulness of worries. Do not destroy positive experiences. Be mindful of the following:
1. Thinking about when it will end.
2. Thinking about whether you deserve it
3. Thinking about how much is expected of you now.
These are extremely important skills. Many borderline individuals can experience positive emotions, but these evaporate in a second; they do not last. Thus, clients have to work really hard at learning how to get positive emotions to linger. Often they are afraid that if they feel good, bad things will happen –that is they have a phobia of positive emotions. Or the negative thoughts intrude quickly.
Steps for Increasing Positive Emotions
BUILD POSITIVE EXPERIENCES
SHORT TERM: Do pleasant things that are possible now.
•INCREASE pleasant events that prompt positive emotions.
•Do ONE THING each day from the Adult Pleasant Events Schedule .
LONG TERM: Make changes in your life so that positive events will occur more often. Build a "life worth living."
•Work towards goals: ACCUMULATE POSITIVES.
•Make a list of positive events you want.
•List small steps toward goals.
•Take first step.
•ATTEND TO RELATIONSHIPS
•Repair old relationships.
•Reach out for new relationships.
•Work on current relationships.
•AVOID AVOIDING. Avoid giving up.
BE MINDFUL OF POSITIVE EXPERIENCES
•FOCUS attention on positive events that happen.
•REFOCUS when your mind wanders to the negative.
BE UNMINDFUL OF WORRIES
DISTRACT from:
Thinking about when the positive experience WILL END.
Thinking about whether you DESERVE this positive experience.
Thinking about how much more might be EXPECTED of you now.
Increasing the number of pleasurable events in one's life is one approach to increasing positive emotions. In the short term, this involves increasing daily positive experiences. In the long term, it means making life changes so that pleasant events will occur more often.
In addition to increasing positive events, it is also useful to work on: being mindful of pleasurable experiences when they occur, as well as unmindful of worries that the positive experience will end.
No one is very happy if she doesn't have many positive events in ones life. This is the point of DBT. It is hard to be happy with out a life worth living. Building a life worth living – one that is satisfying and one that brings happiness- is like saving pennies in a piggy bank. A person has to accumulate positives.
ATTEND TO RELATIONSHIPS
Most people need good relationships to be happy. Many are not very happy unless they are in one or more close relationships. The secret here is not to put all your eggs in one basket. Don't let your entire happiness depend on one person or one group (e.g. a romantic relationship, your family).
AVOID AVOIDING. Avoid giving up.
No one can build up a positive life if she avoids problem solving, doing things that are necessary, or perseverance.
Mindfulness of positive experience. Be mindful of positive events that occur. Do the following:
1. Focus your attention on the positive events that happen.
2. Refocus on positive parts of events when your mind wanders to the negative.
3. Go back to 1.
Unmindfulness of worries. Do not destroy positive experiences. Be mindful of the following:
1. Thinking about when it will end.
2. Thinking about whether you deserve it
3. Thinking about how much is expected of you now.
These are extremely important skills. Many borderline individuals can experience positive emotions, but these evaporate in a second; they do not last. Thus, clients have to work really hard at learning how to get positive emotions to linger. Often they are afraid that if they feel good, bad things will happen –that is they have a phobia of positive emotions. Or the negative thoughts intrude quickly.
Steps for Increasing Positive Emotions
BUILD POSITIVE EXPERIENCES
SHORT TERM: Do pleasant things that are possible now.
•INCREASE pleasant events that prompt positive emotions.
•Do ONE THING each day from the Adult Pleasant Events Schedule .
LONG TERM: Make changes in your life so that positive events will occur more often. Build a "life worth living."
•Work towards goals: ACCUMULATE POSITIVES.
•Make a list of positive events you want.
•List small steps toward goals.
•Take first step.
•ATTEND TO RELATIONSHIPS
•Repair old relationships.
•Reach out for new relationships.
•Work on current relationships.
•AVOID AVOIDING. Avoid giving up.
BE MINDFUL OF POSITIVE EXPERIENCES
•FOCUS attention on positive events that happen.
•REFOCUS when your mind wanders to the negative.
BE UNMINDFUL OF WORRIES
DISTRACT from:
Thinking about when the positive experience WILL END.
Thinking about whether you DESERVE this positive experience.
Thinking about how much more might be EXPECTED of you now.